Who am I? I'm...

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Gonna met all muh friends Gonna have ourself a ball Gonna tell my friends Gonna tell them all That I'm a wild one Ooh yeah I'm a wild one Gotta break it loose Gonna keep 'em movin' wild Gonna keep a swingin' baby I'm a real wild child I'm a real wild one An' I like a wild fun In a world gone crazy Everything seems hazy I'm a wild one Ooh yeah I'm a wild one I'm a wild one I'm a wild one I'm a wild one Oh baby I'm a wild one ~~IggyPop

Why is everyone so all fired STUFFY?

In my rather outlandish estimation, 98% of any grouping of adults are just... well... too damned adult. To make the waters even more muddy, I put forth that the same 98% are either entirely stuff jacket or turn to altering substances or others to MAKE fun/silly/goofy for them. C'mon people! Just when exactly did you shed your need for all things goof (akin to need for speed) skin? Was it when you walked across the stage during that defining moment and they handed you a rolled up empty piece of paper to tell the world to take you more seriously? Was it when that slick stuffed suit offered you a cubicle on the 2,489th floor of that ugly ass building downtown? When exactly did this happen? I missed the memo, obviously. My goof skin is firmly in place and seems to have its own timing for letting loose.

Now, I'm sure quite a few of you are already spewing forth any number of obscene and downright illegitimate mouthfuls as to why it is no longer appropriate for persons of advanced stature, community standing, advancing age, yadda.. yadda to spontaneously whip yer goof out at any point in time. Pardon me for one moment while I run outside and retrieve my rolling eyeballs as they make a mad dash to the park up the street. Please spare me your litany of excuses and listen for a short spell. In other words.. Zip yer lip and put on your listening ears (you might want to run them through the dishwasher first, I know it has been a millennia since most of you listened to anything outside a six inch radius from your tiny pea brains... hell, they may have already turned into fossils). Though another subject for another time, a lot of you 98%'ers have also forgotten how to really listen.

There are really few times/places where one needs to place a straight jacket on their personal goof. They are rare and even then, I give my goof permission to run rampant within the four walls of my grey matter holding cell, with nary a glimmer of the chaos showing to the outside world. Of course, I can hear the rumblings coming from the wave of inappropriate settings for a full on goof loosing. I can think of two, in which I straight jacket my goof. Court proceedings and a child's funeral. All bets are off when it comes to any other situation. Loosen that choker you've chosen to wear, yes.. you've all CHOSEN to strangle the fun out of your lives, and I will start you on the path to finding and releasing your own inner goof. Just do me a favor, when you read a scenario and feel the excuse bubbling up through your throat, jump up out of your chair and bust a move. Spontaneous goof dancing (and yes, everyone can goof dance) can stifle even the most logical excuse.

My co-workers over the years have without a doubt rubbed their stress filled dramas all over my daily life. I believe we all have this issue, heck, we basically live with them eight to ten hours each workday. The more stress filling the air, the more my goof tends to, shall we say, spontaneously erupt. A brainstorming group stuck in the initial stage of project planning, the process is stalled, teeth are knashing, heads are starting to pound, nerves are starting to frazzle. What do I do? Unleash the beast and start jamming to some imaginary song I just made up in my head. My chair is laughing under my wiggling, dancing and bouncing butt. My head, doing the slide. And the hum begins. The lyrics don't matter much, it's all in the release of the goof tude. Sing along with me now! "OOOpaupau mau mau Ompa Mauuuu.. OOOpaupau mau mau Opma Mauuuuu... My butt it has its own beat called m-a-u-m-a-u, my hips they have a wiggle called p-a-u-p-a-u, Ohhhhh I want to bust a desk top spin and if you ask me why I'll sing... Cause my OOOpaupau mau mau just has to Opma Mauuuu all day!" Original? Nah, there is something about those childhood commercials that just stays with all of us, my grey matter just tends to... well.... slaughter the original lyrics and fit them to the mood. Believe it or not, my singing catches on and soon the co-workers are cutting up, laughing and once again freely productive after a goof singing session. Other times I have been known to stop in the office doorway bust out my sad rendition of John Travolta's Staying Alive dance and belt out the refrain "ah ah ah ah Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive," complete with my rocker chic headbang.

Friends and their daily dose of drama seems to drive even the most sane person to drink. Don't drink! The next time yer girlfriend visits upon you her tale of woe that her boyfriend/ husbandisn'tpayingher nevermindthekidshavebrought homenotesall (breath)weekfromschoolmylibidoseemstobedwindlingmynailswon't growhewon'tlistentome (breath)didyouhearaboutwhatsherfaceup theroadandhernewestboyfriendohwhatamIgoingtodo(breath) helpmefixallmyproblemsican'tdoanything rightdoesmy buttlookfatinthesejeans???, take a deep breath, let it out slowly and repeat after me..... "On the good ship Lollipop...Its a sweet trip to a candy shop... Where bon-bons play...On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay" and tap dance to your heart's content! Throw your head back and really let it rip. Grab your friend by the hands and twirl her around ala Fred and Ginger. Dosie-Do her around, grab her and plant a wet raspberry square on the forehead and begin again. Guys, you can try this, but you'd most likely have more success with, "Spiderman, Spiderman, Does whatever a spider can... Spins a web, any size, Catches thieves just like flies...Look Out! Here comes the Spiderman." Do the bump-da-bump, jump up on the couch/bumper and do the hand jive. Really let it fly!

For those moments of waiting that has become the "mytimeismoreimportantthanyours" hurry up, move out of the way, why is this line taking so long, the light turned green .00001 seconds ago.. GO already, I have my own mash-up goof remedy sure to de-stress and remind you that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. Pull into the nearest parking lot, step back from the shopping cart, step back from whatever is causing you to grind your teeth and say "hurryupalready!" inhale deeply... roll your shoulders and roll your head around slowly a few times... shake your legs out.. clear your throat and in your best Pee Wee Herman voice, loudly sing "A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird...B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word...A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word... A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word... A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word" while skipping in place or around the vehicle flapping your big bird arms repeatedly. If others stop to stare, invite them to join you. Simply put, you are not attractive as a stuff shirt, a holier-than-thou, a teeth knasher, an I know better than you, Can't you do anything right, Me.. me.. me.. me adult. Let that goof out. LAUGH! SMILE! Channel that unabashed goofy kid that you've hidden so well over the years. Leave the berating, cursing, belittling, looking down your nose activities that you just KNOW are cutting loose and throw them in the trash heap. Pull on your mismatched socks, muss up your hair, grab a chocolate popsicle and just GOOF already! What are ya waiting for? Stop being so all fired self-important and stuffy that you can't see the fun right off the tip of your nose!

In the beginning

Let there be light. Huh? Who turned on the lights? Dagnabbit, let me grab my eyeballs to see what on earth I'm doing here..........

There.. much better! Oh, hello! Are you sure you meant to tumble into this tangled mess that will at some point become a receptacle for my jarbled up nonsense? You did? Wow... you do realize that makes you durn near as nutty as me, yes?!

What is my purpose here? Nonsense, pure and simple. I'm a talker by nature, a writer by chance and I'm not at all sure my inner child is keeping up with my rapidly advancing age. I'm not worried. Nor should you. I may not be an expert on the matters of which I write, I may not be eloquent in my speech patterns, but boy howdy is it a whole lot of fun getting from point A to B with the entirety of my brain in between!

So, kick yer feet up, grab a beverage and join me in this ridiculousness. What? Oh.. yes.. I suppose I should finish up my profile first. Ahem.. Now, where is that contraption that sucks in my soul and spits out some caricature that is supposed to resemble me? Hmmmm....